Eh? Just rolled off the Eurostar to find William Hague, Conservative Party Member of Parliament and one time Opposition Party leader, swathed in a flurry of “malicious” gay rumours. Eh? Wills is fond of willies? Victim of a slur campaign? Either way I found his choice of words at the press conference he gave clumsy-hysterical. How did he put it?

“…and at some point you’ve got to speak OUT about that and put the record STRAIGHT…”

Poor Wills sounds very confused. Maybe he’s ambidextrous. All these allegations must be driving him round the bender.